Dealing with Player Conflict at the Table

We all know those kinds of players. Or maybe you are one of those kinds of players.

Let’s talk about how to handle personality clashes or troublesome player habits when at the table.

One of the key differences between D&D and (most) video games is the social component. Even MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game), with their team-speak options and communication between party members, is not quite the same as creating a story around the tabletop, even if that tabletop is virtual. Tabletop RPGs rely far more heavily on constant discussion between players, both in and out of game. As such, DMs must act as impartial referee for the players, oftentimes solving disputes which come up at the table. Rule arguments are inevitable in a game with as many rules as D&D and similar TTRPGs, but true arguments can be avoided if the DM knows how and when to step in.

When playing a TTRPG with three, four, sometimes up to 6-8+ players, you’re bound to have different personality types at the table. This is great, and all play styles and personas should be encouraged, as long as they don’t detract from the game or cause unnecessary drama. And we’re not just talking about overtly obnoxious or rude players, but also players who don’t pay attention, try to hog the spotlight, or derail the game. But how does a DM tactfully yet effectively shut down these bad habits while still allowing everyone to get as much out of the game as possible? Well, aside from having a high Persuasion score and massive Charisma, a few universal rules apply. Past that, we’ll look at each troublesome player type individually and talk about how best to handle them.

When you are one of the friends and also the DM of the group, it can be difficult to remain wholly impartial (especially if, like in one of my games, you’re also dating one of the players). However, it is important to keep a safe distance during games, and while it’s fine to be chummy with your buds, when it comes to rule arbitration you have to rule as if you’re a stranger to them all. You also have to set the expectation at Session 0 or before playing that you are the sole referee, and your word is Law. Player input is okay, but direct contradiction demeans your position and weakens the faith players must have in you as their leader. Confidence is key in this scenario; there may be a lot of “faking it until you make it” going on, especially if you’re a novice DM, but you still must act like you know everything. Forgetting a minor rule here and there is acceptable; but you’d best feel comfortable with most of the game mechanics and story pieces if you hope to be successful as a DM.

I’ve also noticed the great value in misdirection and, above all else, humor, when dealing with in-game conflicts. Try and crack a joke at your own expense, or have the NPC your players are dealing with respond in-game to something that could cause drama. Adding a goblin accent to a retort when a player says something controversial or potentially offensive can go a long way in breaking the ice and making it seem less irritating. Same goes for reminding a player to stay off his/her phone or check out; let an NPC say it! If something is boiling under the surface and you notice its potential to upset players to distract from the fun element of the game, simply call the players’ attention to something entirely different, and in a very loud voice. Or ask the “rude” player an unrelated question, so they shift their thinking to something more appropriate for the moment. If it happens again, feel free to pull them aside privately after the game and discuss with them. Never EVER call a player out in front of everyone; aside from embarrassing him/her, it will just make things worse, and make you look like a jerk.

So what kinds of players are we dealing with here? Let’s look at some specific difficult player archetypes.

The Power-Builder:

While it may not seem like playing the game “well” is a bad thing, some players take advantage of rule loopholes and other character attributed to power-build, or “min-max” (minimizing weaknesses while maximizing strengths) their character, often with detrimental results. It is not technically cheating, but players with extreme builds run the risk of monopolizing the game by doing everything instead of letting it be a team effort; also, one or two ultra-strong builds can throw off the game balance and make all battles seems like a walk in the park, making the game less fun and challenging. Most of these types of players are fairly knowledgeable about the games’ rules, and as such are one of the easier types to sit down and talk to out-of-game. Make them aware that their actions, while seemingly innocent, can discourage their fellow players and make them feel useless. Offer suggestions on how they can nerf their character without taking away the fun creative work the player has done. In-game, when the Power-Builder attempts to “one-man-army” a boss fight or do a task better-designed for another character (eg, doing stealthy recon when the party already has a Rogue), just say, “I’m going to let [The Rogue] make this check.” If all else fails, threaten to increase the CR (Challenge Rating) of all the enemies you’ll throw at the party, making fellow team-member blame the player in question when their party gets their butts handed to them by insanely-OP (Over-Powered) monsters.

The Day-Dreamer:

Perhaps my biggest pet peeve of a player, and inevitably every party has one; the person who zones out constantly, then asks, “Wait, what’s going on?” 100 times after you’ve already explained the situation. This can be very frustrating as a DM, but also for the other players. It also gives everyone permission to “check out”, which can escalate quickly. Instead of actively calling the playing out in front of everyone, try pulling him/her back in via something in the game. Ask them to describe what their character is doing in the scene, what details of the room they are interested in investigating, or have an NPC ask them a question. If you know your player’s back story well, try tying it into that as a means of getting them invested. Pull them back in at any cost. While this may take up time and give more attention to that player, you’ll end up saving time by not having to re-explain something for the umpteenth time. For example, I have a Triton in my party, so any time the group is near water or dining at a restaurant, I ask her how the sights, smells, tastes, and sounds compare with her underwater home, or have a random NPC notice her exotic look and ask her for her story. Another tactic is to have an NPC engage with them, preferably in a humorous way, poking fun at their day-dreaming without embarrassing the actual player: “While Xandir was snoozing in the corner, an egret took a giant dump that landed in his mouth. Xandir, how do you react?!”

The Phone-Checker:

I put this in a separate category than the Day-Dreamer, because in 2022 (when this post was written), this is possibly the most prevalent offense a player (or players, usually) can engage it. While it is inevitable that someone will at some point pull out their phone during a long game, overt use of a device (when not game-related) is very annoying. I have had sessions where every single person was staring at their phones, and I felt like I was talking to an empty room. As with the Day-Dreamer, this leads to things being re-explained over and over, and a general lack of energy from the group. Some DMs institute a no-phones-at-the-table policy, and if you find you can get away with that without angering your players, go for it. Leave a colorful basket or something by the entrance for people to leave their devices in before the session starts, and allow them to check their phones during a break. This may sound too extreme for you; furthermore, a lot of players (especially in remote games) use their devices to roll dice, store their character sheets, or look up spells and abilities. This is fine, but should only take a few seconds. What I’ve found works is to text the offending player, followed by a stern look, to let them know that you’re not okay with their device use. If it’s an ongoing problem with multiple players, try saying, “Okay guys, this next section is super important to the story and you won’t need your character sheet or anything for it, so I am asking that everyone puts their phones away for now.” Again, if you call people out in public, it tends to lead to irate players getting defensive.

The Derailer:

Games like D&D are all about fun, but some players create super one-note characters who always fixate on the same thing in every session and make things all about them. A funny side conversation or diversion can lead to organic and enjoyable RP (Role-Playing) experiences for everyone, but only when done in moderation. For example, “I’m a bard who loves to get drunk”; sure, it’s a character trait, but if your first statement you blurt out every time you enter a new town or area is, “I immediately beeline for the nearest tavern”, then you can quickly derail the story and put the DM in a tough spot: do I shut you down completely and discourage your personal enjoyment for the sake of the story (and possibly other players), or do I let you have your fun and just devote an entire session to yet another pub crawl? Before you take any action, check out the other players’ reactions; if it seems they’re all on board with the side-endeavor and having fun with it as a group, sure, let them go on for a bit. Not too long mind you; eventually you’ll want an NPC to come rushing in screaming about a monster attack or blurting out some vital intel to get the party off their bar-stools and back into the story, but sometimes some nonsensical relief is good for group morale. If, however, it seems that everyone is rolling their eyes at the player for yet another pointless choice which leads nowhere interesting, you have to deal with it. I recommend discussing with the player outside of the game, letting them know that the story comes first; if their personal choices are all about them and in no way add to the greater tale being told, perhaps they don’t need to visit every bar in the fictional universe. If you prefer to avoid confrontation, take a tip from earlier in this blog post: have an NPC do the dirty work for you, and shut them down in a comedic way without making yourself (the DM) look like a party pooper. “I’m sorry, this village is sober, there is not a drop of alcohol anywhere for thousands of miles!” Make it so ridiculous that the player has to realize they’re not going to get their way this time, but make sure it’s all in good humor.

The Assistant DM:

Who doesn’t like a little help at the table? After all, DMing is hard work! But this player archetype can get just as frustrating as the rest when they are constantly interjecting and trying to impress you, or everyone else at the table. Many games I’ve played have had multiple players with DM experience, and it’s fine to defer to someone who may have a quick answer if you need it. What you don’t want is someone offering constant unsolicited advice, especially to the other players. Even the least knowledgeable player at the table wants to make his or her own choices, and having that one person say, “You should really do this instead, it’s better” takes away the joy of learning about one’s own character. I’ve had plenty of players remind teammates of abilities they have that will make their attacks more potent, and as long as it’s more of a reminder and less of a forceful suggestion, I’m fine with it. But it helps no one when someone is basically trying to boss everyone around, or counter the DM on a rule or monster. “Umm, an Adult Green Dragon’s AC is definitely not 28!” First off, how would your character even know what “AC” means? And second, you should instill early on as DM that whatever you say goes (with some exceptions). “Yeah? Well, this Adult Green Dragon’s is.” Set the expectation up in Session 0/before game-play starts that you may finagle the rules to fit your world or vision, or to better balance with your players/party size. Remind everyone that the manuals are merely a guide, but the rules can be bent, or even broken, if it enhances the story or makes the game more challenging. This is one scenario where it’s okay to call a player out, especially if they are harassing another player for a “bad” or “wrong” character choice. Tell them they have to let their teammates fight their own battles, and as DM, you’ll never punish a player if their turn in battle is less-than-effective. Remember: you’re on their team, and power-blasting a monster for 100 damage probably won’t “win” them the game any faster.

The Rule Lawyer:

Experience can be problematic at times. When playing with people who have DM’ed before, or played RPGs for years, you’ll often encounter the “Rule Lawyer”, someone who knows every technicality by heart and isn’t afraid to speak up when something “out-of-bounds” is happening. I try to reward these players with XP or an in-game bonus for picking up on something minute, but you also have to know when to (politely) shut them down. First off, letting all your players know at the beginning of any campaign that the rules are more guidelines than anything else is crucial. You should impress upon them that, unless something is completely game-breaking, the flow of the game and the enjoyment of the storytelling experience far outweighs any particular rule. That, and again: You. Are. God. The DM can literally do anything he/she wants to make the game more fun or move faster, and sometimes that includes ignoring certain rules. That said, as a DM you have so much on your mind during a game that it’s easy to let an Attack of Opportunity or a condition slip by, and a gentle reminder from a player is perfectly acceptable. But trying to “negotiate” with the DM, claiming that your way is not strictly following the rules, is not helpful to anyone. When you shut this down, be sure to acknowledge the player’s expertise, but firmly state that in this scenario, it doesn’t matter/apply. Now this may turn into a bigger argument if the players are then like, “Wait, so are you saying we always ignore half-cover?” or something similar. In instances like these, it may be necessary to stop the game and either make a hard-and-fast ruling, or come to a consensus with the group (if democratic tables are your thing). Just make sure to keep your confidence up and maintain the leadership role when you do so.

The Rule-Forgetter:

The annoying benevolent cousin to the Rule Lawyer, this player just doesn’t catch on, no matter how many games they play, or how often, or for how many years. Rules just don’t stick, but generally, this kind of player remembers vivid details about their own character or events, but not much else. This is one of more innocuous frustrating players, but can still be trying. What’s more, they’re damning their own character to a mediocre contributor for the team, missing out on key class elements which are meant to make them more potent on and off the battlefield. Then of course, there’s the fact that they try and do outlandish game-breaking things because they don’t really grasp how the game mechanics work. While you can’t do much to improve their memory, you can try and remind them of consistently-missed abilities their character has. Better yet, draw up easy-to-read cards for spells or attributes (and hold onto them between sessions, as this type of player is apt to lose things like that…) for quick references to their commonly-used abilities. Encourage them, and all your players, to plan their turns in combat ahead of time (or have a few options since things invariably change during the course of a single round), and even pre-roll if they have a lot of math to do. That way, if they aren’t sure about something, they can quickly nudge another player and get an answer without slowing down combat, which is already meticulously slow in most RPG sessions. If they’re also a “Day-Dreamer” as many Ruler-Forgetters tend to be, encourage them to bone up on their character sheet or the rulebooks when it’s not their turn, to keep them at least focused on the game and not their social media account.

At the end of the day, some of these patterns are just going to be part of the DM experience. But dealing with player issues in and out of game is still a vital tool for any DM, and will hopefully curb any out-of-game drama that may arise between players. For more tips and help, sign up for our DM Academy and become one of our invincible army of Tabletop Now Dungeon Masters!